You spin me right aroindissement

The local area, Gambetta, is as much of a muchness as much of the city seems to be; if you’ve been anywhere in Europe, you’ve probably seen it all (with the exception of Spain, not because it is exceptionally exceptional, except at accepting the minimum of basic amenities, but because it’s exceedingly hot). I’m in the 20th arroindissement, somewhere to the east. The word arroindissement means ‘to make round’ and the areas are so named from a day in the 19th century when the 20 town planners were trying to decide whose turn it was to buy drinks; they tore up the map they’d been working on and used it to draw lots. The next morning, still stinking drunk, they tried to jigsaw the city back together again but found they could only do it using the numbered sides and decided that was probably enough detail anyway, the small stuff would work its self out.

This goes to explain a number of things. Firstly; the completely arbitrary numbering of the districts, only sloth and inebriation could produce such utter disarray. In London, they were so organised that they got in elephants to build castles and canaries in to build wharves (not the birds but early Norwich City fans, all highly suited to building as the extra finger of inbred-wrought polydactyly gave them astonishing grip). Secondly, it shows why everyone around here, in the 20th, is a tight fisted scrooge who would steal the croque right out of your monsieur and why everyone near the louvre, in the 1st, is an impoverished drunk. The arroindissements are sometimes called quarters because too much fannying about with the metric system left the nation unable to count.

The history of the name Gambetta itself has been somewhat harder to trace. My internet research threw up (excuse me) a number of possibilities. The Gambetta method, as famed by the much loved American sports hero Vern Gambetta, seemed the most likely. The main aim of this method is, I quote; “to develop Athleticism, the ability to perform athletic movements.” A vital skill, as any athlete will tell you, and one that many forms of exercise seem to foolishly neglect, such as the popular ‘stillness sports program’ of the late seventies. Vern also tells us; “a healthy athlete is an oxymoron,” which is just one syllable away from what I believe. Since I could find no direct link to Paris, I decided this couldn’t be my man and I was also disappointed to find that nowhere in the blurb did it say ‘Gambetta; we’ll make your game betta’.

I also came across Leon Gambetta, a one eyed Frenchman who gave Tours of Paris in a hot air balloon to avoid doing any work for the government. During one of these Tours he got so lost that he ended up in Spain. Later in life, after blowing enough hot air to finally return himself to the capital, the subject of governmental work came up again. He, still disgusted by the idea, shot himself so hard that he got cancer and died at 44. Quite why you would name an area after this man is beyond me so I’ve decided that it must be from the lesser known Italian guitarist Beppe Gambetta, in honour of his 2008 album Rendez-vous.